Being Motherless When Your Life Is Just Starting

The absolute worst part about losing a Mom at a young age is what she misses. Your Mom misses everything from your struggles to your successes. But not having her around for your struggles takes a toll on you because everyone around you is talking about how his or her mom helping her through the hard times. Yeah, it hurts when you can’t share your successes with your Mom too, but the hard times stab a hole in your heart.

All you want is to be like all the other women and men in her life who can turn to their moms when things get hard. You just want her advice or to even hear her voice as a clarifications everything will be ok. You only want her advice or just rant to her. No one else is good enough.

This pain of not having her around when you’re young breaks your heart into million pieces. Nothing works to place the puzzle pieces together. You think maybe super glue will, but then again it’s probably not going to work. You have tried everything to feel normal again, but unfortunately, it’s not working.

All you want is her here to guide you like everyone else’s moms. You want to feel normal. But the truth is you’ve not considered normal anymore.

You have to figure out a way to stay strong and find out how to deal with your strengths on your own. The reality is you can’t depend on Mom anymore. It’s not because she can’t help or more stressful than helpful; you can’t because your Mom is dead.

She isn’t around to be the biggest or worst Mom around. She’s not around to annoy you. She’s not here to text or calls when you need to talk, rant, or for her help. You’re on your own.

Look, it’s not going to be easy. Because let’s be real, your support system isn’t going to help you all the time. They’re going to let you down or not know what exactly to say, so you have to cruise around life as if you have had everything handled. It’s obvious you don’t want to but you have to do it for yourself and your mom.

Your Mom wouldn’t want you feeling sorry for yourself. She would want you to live life. Yes, it’s unfortunate and something she nor you imagine going through a such a young age. But it’s reality and you have to figure out a way to cope when things feel like they’re turning upside down.

Do you like what you’re reading? Check out my page, Kimi Ann-Marie for various of posts about relationships,anxiety/depression, mom life, and grieving. Check out my page, Positive Thinking About Parents Death for grieving advice about your mom or dad and reminding yourself you’re not alone.

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24 thoughts on “Being Motherless When Your Life Is Just Starting

  1. Linda says:

    This really spoke to me. I lost my mom at22 years old. Not married at the time and my career just started. Lost my mom suddenly. My Dad was a wreck and everyone else just pretended she never existed. I got married after a few years of being a functional alcoholic and sobered up. Got divorced and a few years after that got married again and had a child. Nothing prepares you for losing your mom. She was the one, and only one, who loved me unconditionally. Since then I have been close to some of the women in my family, only to have them turn on me for some situations in my life that were probably the second most difficult times in my life. Just makes me miss that one person that was always in my corner even more. My mom was not perfect by any means. But she was my mom.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Confession of a Parentless Mother says:

      I’m really happy to hear you could connect to this. And thank you for sharing your story with me. 🤗. Wow you lost her suddenly; that breaks my heart. I was prepared for my dad’s and mom’s deaths. They both died of cancer. My dad died when I was 19. My mom died when I was 25. I was pregnant with my daughter when my mom died. A lot of people started to feel “sorry” for me and then shut me out. Only good thing that came out of this is how my dad’s side actually wanted to become closer to me. My mom’s side is the one shutting me out because I’m not married and have a kid. Thanks goodness for my boyfriend’s family, my boyfriend, and daughter. I have no idea where I would be without them.

      You’re so right. Nothing can prepare you. No matter how a mom dies. It’s the worst thing ever because you don’t realize what you need from her for until she’s gone. 😞

      Feel free to share. Like my two Facebook pages (links are either on the bottom or the side) and follow my blog (same with this button) for more guidance post or just to have someone to connect with.

      Like

      • Leanne says:

        Thank you for posting this! Sometimes I feel like nobody knows what losing my mom has done to me. I was only 18 months old when my mom took her own life. I can not remember a time in my life I wasnt sad and grieving and I am 42. I have had so many people tell me I’m lucky that I was so young because it didn’t effect me as much as if I was older.. really? I don’t know anything about her other then stories.. I don’t know what her hug feels like, her laugh, her voice the list goes on so no, I’m not lucky.. not even a little

        Liked by 1 person

      • Confession of a Parentless Mother says:

        You’re very welcome. I completely understand. It has changed me so much.

        And omg! That’s horrible! I’m sorry people are saying you’re lucky! That’s wrong on some many levels. You were robbed memories with her. 🙁

        Thank you for reminding how grateful I should be for at least having memories with my mom even if I’m only in my 20s and she’s gone. It’s nice knowing in not alone too. I love touching people with my words when I need an escape.

        Hang in there. If you need someone to talk to, free feel to like my Facebook pages and message. 💜

        Like

  2. KatlynKay says:

    This spoke to me on a level that I could never explain. I lost my mother when I was 19 years old…. It was sudden. I have a support system, but they’re the kind that is only partially there. Most of the time, I’m left alone with my thoughts and my demons…. My mom was my best friend. I’m now 22 years old, and I still think about calling my mom when things get rough. I think I’m in love, I have an amazing career, and I’m signing up to go back to school…. My mom isn’t here for any of that. She won’t be here for my wedding… She can’t meet the person who I’m in love with. I miss her every day. There’s some days that I feel so alone without her. But I’m working on being my own support system. My friend’s don’t understand. I’m glad that there’s a page like this, dedicated to people who don’t have a mother. Since I found this page, I don’t feel so alone anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Confession of a Parentless Mother says:

      I’m glad you can connect to this.
      You totally commented on my blog not the motherless page. But it’s all good. I understand completely. My friends don’t understand and I’m pretty sure they forgot I don’t have my mom or dad.
      Feel free to follow and get email updates when I post. Also like my pages on Facebook. 💜

      Stay strong! And remember you’re not alone. 💜

      Like

  3. Lois Wilmer says:

    I was 19 years old. I got through my 20s, 30s and 40s by graduating college, starting a career and a family. Now in my 50s my kids are grown and out of the nest I seem to have more trouble now coming to terms with her missing everything. I’ve spent more years missing her than I did knowing her.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Julie Harmon says:

    Thank you for putting into words what I have been feeling since losing my mom when I was 17 years old and she was 54. I envy others who can pick up the phone and speak to their moms whenever they want. My mom missed so much of my life. She never saw me graduate high school and college, get married, have children….Being 51 now, I have spent more time grieving her than having her with me, my mother has missed two-thirds of my life. This year has been especially hard as my son turned 18. I am not sure how to be the mother of an 18 year old, I had no one to show me….I no longer remember her voice. Part of me will never move on from the 17 year old girl that wants her mom…..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Confession of a Parentless Mother says:

      You’re very welcome!
      You can do it. Just be the mom you always have been and go from there. I believe it you.

      My mom’s death is still pretty fresh. I’m completely lost and wish my mom was around to help with my daughter. Everyone always telling me she acts like me. I can’t even handle myself. How can I handle a mini me without my mom? ☹️

      I’m 28. My mom died when I was 25. I have had my mom for 2 1/2 decades of my life but yet I envy everyone around me. I even get jealous of my daughter sometimes.

      Sorry for my rant. 😶

      Like

  5. Kim Prisbrey says:

    A freind told me about this fb sight and its so good. Although alot of times i cant even read it i get sad. My mom will have been dead 40 years in april i lost her when i was 10. My older sisyer was 13 my youbgwr was 7 and our brother was 2. We sisters rised our brother. And little sis. It does get less painful most of the time. And i think serio3people dont know what to say about your moms death so they say your lucky you had her for 10 year really i dont feel lucky..or its good my vrother was ypung really ..so he can be sad he barely new her. People just need to say ..oh my gosh im soryy thst super sucks that you lodt your mom.you know your life will never be thr same. And youll have no security from this day foward so good luck with that. But for your kids youll over do over say over soend and over protect ..so much so thst your spouse wonders about you..but i wull ne tbeir for them always because my mom wasnt couldnt didnt make it..

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Trish says:

    I am tracking with you. I lost my mother when I was 15. I have heard people say that I was lucky that she had cancer for 13 years before she died so I could prepare for her death. Seriously? Watching my mom suffer for 13 years was the norm and her death still shocked me. I do not believe one is ever “prepared “ for the death of a mother.
    The support system is not there. I have my sisters and they are great. They are not mom. It’s hard when you struggle with something and try to find someone who will listen. I always worry I am bothering them. And then I confide in the wrong people. “Am I being a drama queen?” and “Did I give too much information?” Constantly run through my brain.
    It’s comforting to know people feel the same way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Confession of a Parentless Mother says:

      I know exactly how you feel. My dad had cancer through my pre teen and teenage life. People tell me the same thing to this day. He has been gone for 9 years now and I’m still hearing that. I then watched my mom suffer for 6 years. My whole life has been watching my parents stuffer. I had to grow up before my time and could barely focus in school because my mind was always somewhere else. Ughhh I hate people.

      Annnnd you just give me a new idea for another blog post!!!!

      Like

  7. Kathy Dastoli says:

    It never gets easy. I lost my mom when I was 15 and now am 57. Our family fell apart after her death, my dad was only really a part time dad even tho my parents were married. I had to take over the care of the household, my youngest sister and my mother’s care as well. I lost my childhood because of her cancer but I have no regrets because I know I did the best I could for her and helped to make her suffering a little less. I have 3 grown children, 5 grandsons now. I have been blessed to achieve all the important times with my children that my mother missed – graduations, weddings and grandchildren as well as I have lived 12 years past my mother’s age. There isn’t a day I don’t miss her but I also know she is watching over me and at times I even feel her presence. Everyday I live to make her proud of me!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Manon Conner says:

    I lost my mom when I was 21, she was murdered. She was there one day and just gone the next. I’m 53 now with 4 children and 2 grandchildren but not one day goes by that I don’t think about her and miss her! I’ve been married twice, have had two stepmothers and am battling breast cancer… I still need my mom… each and every day. She has missed so much! My children and grandchildren will never experience the love and adoration she would have undoubtedly showered on them. I still need her…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Jess says:

    This really spoke to me. I lost my mom at 20. She just found out she had cancer a month after I moved for college at 18. My sisters are much older than me and already had families of their own. They also saw our mom as a friend not just a mother. I will never have that type of relationship with her and it sucks.

    Liked by 1 person

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