Just Because I Have Dark Thoughts Doesn’t Mean I’m Suicidal

Life isn’t always butterflies, and unicorns like everyone thinks it is. It’s much darker than a lot of us would like to admit.

Days are full of frustrations and struggle that not everyone can handle on their own.

And life is also full of loss. But I’m not afraid of death.  So does that make me suicidal?

No, because not all of my dark thoughts are suicidal.

I accept both life and death as an equal as it should be. You can’t have life without death, right?

So, why is a thought like this considered suicidal? When life becomes suffocating and your mind can’t stop running and you feel numb and entirely overwhelmed by emotion at the same time… you’re suicidal?

No. That’s just life. If we could control our thoughts and emotions as easily as we can control our hands it’d be a lot easier. But that’s not the case, is it?

When life gets tough, and I feel like I’m being pulled into the darkness, I don’t fight it. I accept it.

I take my emotions at face value and I explore every demon inside me in hopes that one day my heart will breathe easy.

But someone, like myself, doesn’t just used to death or dark thoughts overnight. It takes a life full of loss to get to this point.

Only someone who has experienced a lot of life would know what it’s like to have dark thoughts on the daily.

And if that meant that everyone who has dark thoughts is ‘suicidal’ then we’d have a bigger problem.

So take a step back and wonder how life can really affect someone’s brain. Dark thoughts can become routine.

And breaking that routine is more difficult than you’d believe.

You may think this is weird and ‘suicidal in a nutshell’ but it’s not, it is a part of me. It’s part of who I am to the core.

I’m not saying I’ve never had suicidal thoughts because I definitely have. But my dark thoughts helped me pull along. It helped me realize how important life is.

These strange thoughts have also given the strength to move on. I learned the real meaning of life.

Before you judge anyone for having “dark thoughts” realize they’re probably one of the strongest people you know.

Check out my page, Kimi Ann-Marie for various of posts about life, mom life, and grieving. Check out my page, Positive Thinking About Parents Death for grieving advice about your mom or dad and reminding yourself you’re not alone.

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