Happy birthday! I can’t believe it’s been three years without you already. It’s crazy how fast time flew. I miss you so much.
As spring rolls in, I can’t help myself from feeling emotional as the stores fill up with flowers. I still dislike flowers, but the scent of different types of flowers is calming on most days. Anastasia definitely helps with this because she’s just like you and loves flowers. She actually reminds me of you. If we go to Walmart, we have to stop in Garden Center and look at every single flower. I remember you dragging me in the Garden Center. Jer and I have a joke about how your love for flowers skipped a generation. It’s true though because she’s obsessed just like you were with flowers. I can’t help but smile as her eyes light up.
Anastasia also uses the potty now. Daytime was an adventure with all the accidents. I especially hated the poop. I think what really got to her was when I had to throw out one of her favorite undies because the stain was horrible. Night time was so much easier for her. It’s funny because that’s the complete opposite of friends. Every kid really is different with potty training. I definitely learned to be anxious and letting my anxiety get the best of me didn’t help her learn. Once I calm down, things went so much smoother.
Anastasia just learned how to ride a bike over the weekend at Jer’s dad’s house. I’m so proud of her. It makes me wonder what kind of accomplishments she would have had with dad and you. It’s a mystery I will never know.
I’m going to try and make the best of today, but no promises because I miss you more than words on a paper. Please give me the strength to get through today. You can also show me sounds you’re still around. Ana and I are meeting friends at the park so hopefully outside getting me out of this fog.
But no promises because celebrating your birthday without you is still really emotional for me. I can handle dad’s now because it’s been so long since I celebrated with him. Your birthday is still fresh and feels like I’m missing something. It’s not just another day to me like dad’s birthday.
I will be okay. I’m sure Anastasia will help me get through the day with her smile and cuteness.
I hope dad and you have fun celebrating your birthday in heaven.
Check out my page, Kimi Ann-Marie for various of posts about life, mom life, and grieving. Check out my page, Positive Thinking About Parents Death for grieving advice about your mom or dad and reminding yourself you’re not alone.