As I look out the window as the rain falls from the sky, I wonder if the pain of losing my mom would even heal itself or at least I will learn to cope with her death.
The truth is I don’t think I will never heal or learn to cope. Why, because a loss of a mother has a greater pressure on your shoulders.
It’s because a mom is so much more than just the person who raises you.
She was my best friend. She’s your rock. She was my support system. She never judges me. She’s just was here for me when everyone else turns on me.
The list could go on and on. Because the bond between a mother and daughter is special. Nothing else is like it.
It’s like the old saying says, “Your mother is your first best friend.”
What happens when your best friend is gone?
My disappear into swirl of days, months, and years. Everything feels mushed together into one huge endless day. I really don’t know the difference between day and night anymore.
People keep telling me that I have to keep my memories of my mom dear to my heart. Believe me, I do keep them close to my heart.
But you know what, sometimes it’s not good enough. Memories can’t replace everything.
Memories can’t hug me or kiss me when I long for my mom’s touch. Memories can’t talk me out of an anxiety attack like my mom could. Memories can’t fix everything.
I’m sorry, but they just can’t.
Yes, I cherish my memories of my mom. I always will. But I will also always long for her presence in my life. It’s just going to happen. I can’t help it.
I have come to the conclusion that it’s okay to long for her touch. Because it’s normal to miss hugs and kisses when someone isn’t in your life anymore.
I’m never going to get over the fact that she’s missing in my life. I never want to because it’s a huge part of who I am today.
My grieve isn’t making me weak.
It’s helping me grow into a stronger woman for my daughter to one day look up to and know life isn’t perfect.
I may still be depressed about the loss of my mother. But that’s okay because there’s no shame in grieving for someone who meant the world to me.
Check out my page, Kimi Ann-Marie for various of posts about life, mom life, and grieving. Check out my page, Positive Thinking About Parents Death for grieving advice about your mom or dad and reminding yourself you’re not alone.