The days and years are still going on without you. I can feel my heart break as if it is truly missing an important puzzle piece held for a girl’s mother. Every day leaves a mark on my heart and mind as the years passes by into a new year. My heart still aches for your presence when things get rough and confusing. It’s another Motherless year waiting to greet me.
As I look back on this year, I can’t believe how much you miss out on. I managed to get through some very overwhelming solutions without you. I wish more than everything you could have guided me through every single event, but unforunately that’s not the case anymore. This year taught me how I need to start depending on myself rather than wish you were still here mom.
Wishing isn’t going to change the fact that you’re gone.
Youmissed more than the hardship this year brought on me. I have tons of achievesand memorable moments without you as well. I learned to become my owncheerleader during the times I conquered the world or overcome the impossible. Myencouragement isn’t as nearly as great as yours, but it’s what I must deal withnow.
All I want to do is just call you up when for the bad and the good events in my life. It’s hard not being able to call you whenever I want to update you on my life. I can’t tell you how many times I have picked up the phone to call you up.
As the years continu passing onwards, I’m learning how to live without you. Life is far from easy without you, but it’s my reality now. I don’t have to like it or enjoy presence, but I must learn how to survive. No matter what I do or how many times I wish my life didn’t have to be this way; I need to go on. You would want me to stop my life because you’re not alive. You never did when you were alive, so I don’t except your death to be any different.
You taught me to be a strong woman even when my life is falling apart. That’s what I attend on doing every day of my life. I know it’s what you would want me to do until of continuing a weak woman. Look, Mom, I’m not perfect. I do have my weak moments because of my anxiety and depression. It’ll never stop me from living and finding ways to get out of my funks. You may not be here to make me smile or laugh, but I’m lucky enough to have great people in my life to help me get through my darkest days.
I’m not sure if life will get better without you. I do know I will always miss you. You will also always hold a piece of my heart as the years move forward. I miss you more than anything. I will always miss you. I’m never going to stop.
Another year without you will happen whether I like it. I can’t stop time. Believe every day get if I could I would have by now. Since I can’t stop time, I have to live another year without you.
Do you like what you’re reading? Check out my page, Kimi Ann-Marie for various of posts about life, mom life, and grieving. Check out my page, Positive Thinking About Parents Death for grieving advice about your mom or dad and reminding yourself you’re not alone.