I’m sitting in my mom’s house for the last time. The emotions running through my veins and mind a million miles per hour. I can’t sleep because my thoughts and memories keeping me up. Some are bad. Some are good. It doesn’t mind because I can’t sleep. Tonight is the last night in my mom’s house because tomorrow is the closing and it’s gone forever.
The pain producing in my mind is breaking my heart into two. Do you blame me? I’m losing a part of my mom tomorrow. A place that she loved and worked so hard to get after my dad died. You see, my mom and dad brought the land when I was at camp in my junior year of high school. The house took about 3 years to be build because my parent even up fighting about how they wanted to pay for it. They had the house made out already, but getting them done as I told you caused problems. After my dad died, my mom did everything in her power to make the house to happen. She did it and felt so proud. The house and yard are a dream.
For me, the location is the worst though because it’s so far from EVERYTHING. I’m a city girl, not a country girl. Don’t get me wrong the around her house is beautiful, but I could never picture myself living there. My mom knew that. I was away at school but I always knew I had her house to go to went I needed to get away or do laundry for free.
My brother, on the other hand, lived with my mom and stayed in the house after she died. He held onto the house more than me. He didn’t want to live. I can’t blame him because he liver there. I didn’t have the connect he did, so I can’t sit here and tell you want he’s feeling about the closing. I just don’t know.
I do know is the closing benefits both of us on unrelatable levels. We need this because her death affected us differently. For me, I couldn’t get this to go back without my mom there. I’m assuming my brother couldn’t leave because my mom didn’t live there anymore. Most importantly, I’m hoping the closing helps our relationships fix itself.
It’s been a long 4 years with fighting and feelings getting hurt. I wish my brother and I the best in what coming next.
My mom would want us to get along and not fight anymore. She would want us to get along and include each other since we’re the only ones left.
Time will heal us. I hope but for not I’m still hurt from the four years. It’s been rough and still need closure to feel again but the house being sold most definitely moved onward towards progress. My brother and his fiancé are definitely going to have to gain my trust again but I have a feeling we will get there at some point. Hopefully, this is a new fresh start for my family and their family. Only time will tell.
I’m just happy I was able to get my favorite stuff animals for my daughter. I wanted her to have been for so long. She’s enjoying them just as much as I am. The stuff animals have moved into her bed and she cuddles them every night now.
My daughter also plays with them just like I did so I’m glad my old friends are getting love now. I love seeing her play with and cuddle them. It brings such joy to me. I have been waiting for this moment for a really long time. My daughter’s favorite turned out to be my favorites growing up, which I think is great because I have the most memories with my two Simbas and Nana.
I also brought back some of my books. I’m a bookworm so I couldn’t part with them. I’m so going to read the Harry Potter series now since I have hard copies of 1 – 6 and 7 as an ebook. Next, I’ll read the Twilight series again. I brought back some other of my favorite books too. I’m so excited to read them. It’s been too long since I had my favorite books in my life.
Most important, I grabbed photos my dad took over the year. The photos brought back so many memories I have forgotten over the years. It was nice to resemble as I looked through the pictures and remember the good times. I even came across photos of my grandpa who I never met so that was really nice. I never knew what he looked like since he passed away before I was born.
Overall, the closing was definitely sad mixed with relief because everyone had more on.
Ps this post is a week late because I kept having to stop writing. I kept getting emotional and then writer’s block would hit me.