COVID19 Makes Me Feel Like I’m Living in a Horror Movie

I talked about how Coronavirus is affecting my daughter in a blog post. In this one, I’m going to share how it’s affecting me.

I really don’t know where to begin. I’m STILL trying to process everything. When I feel like I am, another rule or restriction pops up for us to follow. It’s overwhelming. I can’t seem to wrap my head around what’s happening. All I know is COVID-19 makes me feel like I’m living in a never ending horror movie .

Just like everyone else, I thought 2020 was going to be a great year. I had so much hope for myself. I loved hearing about my daughter’s day at school and going to her school events. I became a working mom. My job wasn’t ideal but it brought money in and give me time to socialize with adults.

The two of us had mommy and daughter days. We loved going to the mall to shop, get food, and hang out in the play area. My hubby also got a day with my daughter once a week because I worked on Saturdays. It was a special day for the two of them especially since I stayed home for about 4 1/2 years before this. They never got the chance to spend time together without me. Life was pretty good.

Then, this pandemic happened and turned my life upside down. School closed before my job did. I couldn’t go to work because I need to stay with my daughter and start digital school with her.

My job ended up closing as well. I did get paid for 14 days before I applied for unemployment like tons of other people right now. I’m not sure what’s going on with claim but it’s all messed up. Nothing is clear right now. I hope I get answers soon.

My feeling are all over the place.

  • I feel numb.
  • I feel my depression growing inside of me.
  • I feel my anxiety creeping up on me on more than normal.
  • I feel lost.
  • I feel confused.
  • I feel hopeless.
  • I feel trapped.
  • I feel fear of what the future holds.
  • I feel tired from all the feelings running through my mind.

Things I miss the most are …

  • shopping.
  • going to the park.
  • going to the playground.
  • seeing family members.
  • going to the mall.
  • going to the movies.
  • seeing friends.
  • food store being fully stocked.
  • not worrying every time I have to go out for things my family and I need.
  • bring my daughter places with me.

I just want things to go back to normal.

I long for the day I can go places without worrying about catching the virus and not holding back a panic attack.

For now, all I can’t do is take quarantine day by day. I’m surviving with wine, books, coffee, tea, movies/tv shows, and video games.

Read more of my quarantine post here: Quarantine/COVID-19/Coronavirus

4 Comments Add yours

  1. kat says:

    I’m so sorry this year has been so tough so far for you! I also thought 2020 was going to be an amazing year because the past 2 have just been small nightmares for my whole family, but it feels like this year is just a massive worldwide nightmare. I’m grateful my kids have been such good sports about everything and having to stay home, but I really miss parks and leisurely shopping trips to Target with my daughter, and there’s a tree at my son’s school that she calls hers. It all just hurts my heart so much. There are so many days I just want to break down and cry, so I can’t imagine just how tough this has been for you! The uncertainty is so scary, and, gosh, what bad timing! It sounds like everything had been going so well for you and your family and now this had to happen. It’s so frustrating. I really do hope things get better, and I really hope you and your family will be okay and safe and healthy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel the same way you do. I have days where I just want to break down and cry. Then, I have some days where I forgot about what’s going on outside. I don’t even mean to. It kinda just happens because some days go faster than even. It’s ok. Maybe I’ll come out stronger after all of this is over. Who knows. I’m only hoping because that’s all I have right now. I hope the same for your family.

    Like

  3. Edhie says:

    For sure all you can do is take one day a time. Tell me about the fear of catching the dease I am petrified being that it is so brutal in the ethnic minorities makes me more fearful, but life goes on and The COVID-19 pandemic shall pass and become history, but for now all we can do is live an interrupted life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so scared of getting the virus but I know if I stay home everything will be okay in the long run. I agree! That’s all we can do is take this craziness one day at a time and hope the government makes the best decisions about opening up. That’s all we can do if they don’t then it’s just going to be different like kids wearing masks to school and masks just coming a norm for awhile. I hope it doesn’t came to that buy you never know.

      Liked by 1 person

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