A year ago today, my mom’s house was sold. I have mixed feelings about this day. The day itself was emotional and has a hold on my heart.
I wish I could still go to this gorgeous house and visit my mom. I hoped this day was a nightmare this last year, but of course, Timehop and Facebook reminded me that it was reality. I wanted the pain to disappear into the air. It’s not. I have to be real with myself. It’s gone and so is my mom.
I lost so much this day. I wish I could have got myself to her house sooner, but I couldn’t. Grief held me back from stepping foot into the house. I regret leaving all of my stuff. I could have gotten my yearbooks, journals, and so much more. It’s all gone now.
I wish the buyer was more sympathetic about the situation my brother and I were in. But instead, he was an emotionless meanie head. I tried to lighten up the mood but he just stayed serious and didn’t even smile. He could have given us more time to go through things, but he didn’t. He even changed the front door lock before the official closing. I will never understand why he could given us at least the next two or three days to clear out the house ourselves. Maybe I’m asking for too much. I don’t know.
I just never what to be this kind of buyer then I’m in his situation. I want to hear the memories the owner had in the house. It gives the house more meaning and leaves the owner feeling like he or she matters.
I didn’t feel like I matter to the buyer. He just didn’t care about us. I don’t know if I’m crazy for thinking this. It’s just ending up making me so uncomfortable at the closing. I NEVER want anything to feel like pain I did on the closing day of my mom’s house.
I did love the quality I got with Crystal, Mom’s dog. Her brother was in the car with me as well. She’s so special to me. I love her so much. The bond we have together is priceless. I thought maybe we would have lost it because I didn’t visit her after my mom died. But I felt as if she understands why I could get myself to come back without my mom there. I remember crying as the dogs and I pulled away from the house then Crystal put her paw on me as if she was telling me it was going to be okay and she’s here for me. Crystal started to bark as she was talking to me. I calmed down and told her, “I love you, and thank you.” I believe she helped me because she knew how hard today was for me too.
Crystal and I also took a walk/run for the last time after my mom’s area. I used to run with her whenever I visited my mom. It was such a good last memory to have at my mom’s house. I will cherish it forever.
I wish I could have visited Crystal liked I planned to in April, but coronavirus ruined that. I hope she forgives me as she did at the closing. I can’t wait until she means Anastasia and the three of us can take a walk together. Hopefully, Crystal likes Anastasia as much as she likes me and doesn’t get jealous. I guess I will see when the day comes. She’s getting old so I hope she can wait for my next visit when everything cools down.
As you can tell, this day will forever hold a place in my heart in so many ways. I don’t think that will ever change. It was the closure I needed and depressing all in one. Time will eventually help me cope with my feelings.