Parentless

Dear Mom, I Have Some Much To Tell You

Dear Mom, 

I have so much to tell you. Life has so many positives right now. Hopefully, you’re watching down on me and smiling. I’m starting to feel myself again. Anastasia is changing so much as well. Life’s turning around now.

Some days are easier than others for me without you. I feel as if I’m not dragging along anymore. I can’t. It’s been 7 years. I have to move on. Life didn’t stop when you died. 

I miss you more than anymore.

I just need to continue to push myself towards happiness instead of depression. It’s going to destroy me if I continue down that path. I understand depression doesn’t go away easily, but I can’t let it take over anymore. 

How’s Ana doing? 

I’m sure you’re wondering. Mom, she started tap class in September. She’s a natural. Her teacher always tells me how amazing she’s doing in class. Her class only has another girl and her, so she’s getting extra attention. She learned the steps fast and excelled in Tap. Ana is also doing Jazz class with her teacher from last year. She loves every moment of Jazz too. She’s learning dance can turn into an escape from reality. 

I had a hard time letting her try to tap because of the memory of Dad and you watching me tap on stage. The pain of seeing her tap just wasn’t bearable. I know this sounds so selfish since it was my thing for years when I was little. But it’s not like I’m thinking, “Oh that was my thing and I didn’t want Ana to do it.” It’s more like I didn’t know how I would feel being Dad and you in the audience during her dance recital. 

I changed my mind when the tap dance saw a talent in her when she did end up trying the class on the last day. At that moment, I realized I can’t stop her from doing tap. She has a talent. I need to get over whatever feelings are stopping her to shine. It’s not her fault you two aren’t here to watch her pursue at tap class like me. 

Anastasia is also a cheerleader now. Just like dance, she loves every moment of cheer. I love seeing her smile and got better throughout the fall season. I was also her cheer coach so I was there from the beginning to the end. She showed improvement every practice and game. I can’t wait to see what cheer begins her in the future. She’s also taking gymnastics to help her pursue her future in cheer. 

I know I have a lot to say about Anastasia but she has grown up into a very talented little girl. I can’t help myself from “sharing” with you in my yearly letter. I feel this is the only way I can get out of all of the things happening in my life.

Also, Jer and Pooh Bear are doing well. Pooh Bear stays home a lot now. She still must sleep with him though at night. Jer is working hard to help during the hard times.

I wish I could just call and tell you but a letter is what I have to deal with now. I know you will never read the letters. It’s just a way for me to move on and communicate with you. 

I love you.

Love always, 

Your Cookie Monster

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